Sister Julianna's Vocation Story

Since He clings to me in love, I will free him;
protect him since he knows my Name.
Psalm 91

“Another way to think about original sin- and the human condition- is to think of it as a question of humanity losing its script, forgetting its story. History then becomes the quest to recover, or remember, that lost story line.” George Weigel

Recovering my “vocation story” is a grace in itself because I get to thank God for all the graces He has given me. I get to renew my response of love one more time.

I was born and raised in Wilmington, CA and am the eldest of 8 children. My grandparents were pious Catholics; however, I grew up in a nominally Catholic family and baptized out of tradition. Through the persistence of my grandmother, I received my first Holy Communion and Confession. Still following “family tradition”, we went to Mass only on major holidays like Easter, Christmas, and Ash Wednesday. Although minimally exposed to a full, rich Catholic life, I always desired to go to church any chance I had; and made sure I entrusted everyone to the Lord every night.

When I was 14 years old, my family moved out of Wilmington and I could not bear to leave my familiar surroundings of school, friends, and relatives. My parents allowed me to stay with an aunt and her children. I enjoyed being with my cousins very much since we were all the same age, yet we always found ourselves in trouble. We were very mischievous. My aunt, exasperated with us (and again, out of family tradition), registered my cousins and I for Confirmation classes. First, because we were of age to be confirmed; secondly, to keep us occupied and out of trouble. I complied only because I had one more opportunity to be with my cousin.

At Saints Peter and Paul Church, our Confirmation program required 40 hours of works of mercy. One of the options was to clean the parking lot of the church or attend the youth group meeting. Well I sure was not going to clean since I had enough chores at home! The meeting was an hour long. As I walked in (late) I saw a young man (Ricky, who is now a good friend) conducting the meeting. This was a great grace because I never knew that people my age talked openly about God and enjoyed learning about Him. There were my peers before me, conversing about God! This was beyond my wildest imagination and expectation of the evening. This grace changed my life and I walked out of the room a different person. I have never been the same since…and I wanted more.

Confirmation was another great grace because I knew from that day forward, I was no longer an infant in the Faith, but a soldier of Christ and my obligation to serve and love the Lord fell solely upon my choice, my freedom. My cousins returned to their old way of living and the mischief only grew worse. However, I couldn’t. I eventually moved in with my grandparents, who also live in Wilmington and began a different road from that which I knew since childhood.

Before returning to the Catholic faith, I struggled in high school to keep up my grades. I had neither interest nor real motives for grades and schoolwork. I would spend my energy going out with my cousins to parties and other places. Now, realizing my eternal purpose, to be with Our Lord in Heaven, I desired more than anything else, to give Him my best. My grades rose soon after realizing my long lost purpose in life.

Since He clings to me in love, I will free Him. I fell in love with the benevolence, beauty, mercy, and the truth of Jesus almost right away. Although it was an instantaneous moment of grace in the youth group meeting, it was followed by (and continues to be so) years of formation, struggles, falls, risings, and perseverance. The reception of the Sacraments, conferences, spiritual direction, and the witness of my friends helped me learn what my true dignity and beauty as a woman really is. To see myself as God sees me has been the greatest freedom from the lies of the world. I grew up with the superficial meaning of life: Materialism, immorality & physical beauty, and productivity as our sole purpose of existence and happiness. Clinging to God in love, he freed me from such slavery. This freedom is a responsibility. I knew I was responsible to be a witness to this freedom through love and service.

Protect him for He knows my Name. I am learning more deeply about God’s love for me. I sometimes ask God, “Why choose me and not others, like my cousins?” It had nothing to do with “my goodness” but solely God’s MERCY upon me. He protected me from all the things I could have fell into (jail, fornication, etc.) I was considered a youth “at risk”. He protected me so that I may know His Name. He desired to have me all to Himself. Experiencing his hand upon me, I desired and thirsted to know His Name, which is His very Person.

At 15 years old, I met the Carmelites through two beautiful priests from my parish, whom I consider as good spiritual fathers to me. A year later, I decided I wanted to a religious sister because I didn’t want to get married. With the help of my friend, Fred, God opened my eyes to see my erroneous intentions. He asked me, “You say ‘I want’, but have you asked God what he wants?” This struck me deeply and knew I had to change my mentality and dispose myself to God’s desires for me, since he alone knows what will glorify Him and complete me…He made me, right? God gave me many opportunities to learn about real love in the context of the Sacrament of Matrimony. To love God with another human being and raise eternal souls for Heaven was a vocation I came to love and desire. Now, marriage became a real sacrifice for me to give up for God, but I knew my vocation was to be his bride. I had fallen in love with Jesus first. Now, my “yes” was true and free.

During high school and 2 years of college, I found myself before the tabernacle for hours, never wanting to leave Jesus. I always desired to give more and one day, in prayer, I knew Jesus desired me to share our relationship with others through service. God desired to give me a spirit of prayer and service, of contemplation and action.

I was blessed with an ‘old spiritual father’ St. Josemaria Escriva, who taught me to offer my very best to God. Like virtues, I grew to be a better student, and tried to be a more loving sister, friend, relative, etc. He always convicted me to sanctify every duty and moment of my day, with the Holy Eucharist as its source, summit, and center. Without realizing it, he prepared me to embrace my religious vocation with it was the right time. After many struggles and trials, I finally applied to become a candidate for the Carmelite Sisters of the Most Sacred Heart of Los Angeles in 2003 and entered Postulancy in 2005. Another grace came right before Profession of Vows in 2008, when I received the Holy habit of Carmel. There was a freedom to be myself…more. I can show the world without any words, whom I belong to, who my Love is. My “vocation” has been a quest to recover the story line of humanity- the grace and union with God before the fall and to remember the beauty and dignity given us as creatures created in His image. In God, let us return to what we once were!

Sister Julianna of Jesus and Mary, O.C.D.

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